no, I will not

No, I will not write your resume objective for you. If you don't know your objective, I certainly don't, and anyway, I don't even believe in resume objectives.

No, I will not give you the answer for your school paper. You should probably do some research.

No, I will not critique your resume for you. People charge hundreds of dollars to do that. (Actually, I do sometimes do this for people who tell me an interesting or compelling story. But not as a rule.)

No, I will not promote your company's product or news release. Really?

Stop asking me those things.

I will do the following: tell you what your manager is probably thinking, tell you if your manager sucks, tell you if you sound like you're the one who sucks, tell you how to handle your annoying coworker, tell you whether or not you really want that job, and so forth. That's pretty much all.