Infinite Fluff

1. I was just in the cafe downstairs getting breakfast. Usually I get a sandwich and take it to go, and eat it at my desk upstairs. But I decided to get an omelette, and since I idiosyncratically hate eating off plastic when the food in question requires a fork, I answered "for here" when the guy asked me "for here or to go?" Several minutes later, I noticed that he was prepping the to-go plate, probably because I always get my food "to go" and so he heard "to go" even though that's not what I said. Not wanting to embarrass the guy or express displeasure as it was a reasonable mistake, I said "actually, I'd like to get it "for here"--can I?" as if I'd changed my mind, though I'd wanted it that way all along. The guy said sure. The woman next to me, turned to me, smiled, and said in a conspiratorial tone: "You're a woman, you can change your mind." I looked at her quizzically, gave a fake half-hearted chuckle, and turned back toward the guy preparing my food. Not content with my brush-off, she repeated herself. "You know, you're a woman! You can change your mind!"

"Uh. Men can't?"
"Nope, only women!" (Laughs loudly)

What in the flying fuck, people? What on earth was this supposed to mean? Was I supposed to laugh at this mutual dig at our gender--oh, those women, so indecisive! Was it supposed to be some kind of shared joke pointing the finger at the invisible men who get irritated with indecisive women?

The cafe never fails to entertain.

2. I'm so in love with this video and I want you all to see it.



3. Last night I cleaned out my purse-messenger-bag-thingy in preparation for my trip today. It's this ritual I go through every time I travel--somehow, carrying around tons of random crap every single day for months while I'm at home in Chicago is just fine, but I have to pare down to the bare essentials the minute I leave the city. And lately, I've been obsessively writing lists. List of jobs, lists of things to do, lists of purchases I've made, lists of my favorite blogs, lists of items in my pantry (a post I never put up). And so I did a bag inventory, and it's a fascinating picture of the general discombobulation that my mostly professional exterior hides. I like looking over each item, examining it, sorting everything into three piles (essential--keep in bag; trash--throw away; important--put somewhere that's not in my bag), having memories. Even from the last two months. And so, without further ado, I bring you the most boring thing that has ever been published on this blog: these are the belongings I've been carrying every day, on my person, for the last several months since the last time I did this. Think of it as a companion piece to Sybil's meditation on place and home--this is a meditation on things.

1 black wallet
1 Canon A550 digital camera
1 Sony Digital Voice Recorder ¹
1 bottle allergy eye drops--generic ²
1 bottle generic ibuprofen--200 mg tablets
21 individual 200 mg ibuprofen pills, scattered in bottom of bag ³
4 tampax pearl regular tampons
3 generic walgreens-brand tampons
$2.87 in change
$1 in bills
1 sharpie; 1 yellow highlighter ⁴
1 lighter (purple)
1 doctor's referral to dermatologist ⁵
1 3-way Radioshack adapter
2 traffic citations, dated 4/11/09 (illegal u-turn; failure to produce insurance)⁶
1 parking ticket, dated 5/11/09 (expired plates) ⁷
1 notice from gas company ⁸
4 nametags bearing my name ⁹
1 business card from court reporter from deposition, 6/25/09
1 business card from veronica, "bra fit specialist"
1 yellow legal pad with 14 pages of notes from deposition, 6/25/09
5 plastic thermometer covers ¹⁰
1 Minneapolis bus schedule #540
1 bus ticket, Minneapolis to Chicago, 6/21/09
1 file folder with 2 federal complaints and 3 motions for class certification ¹¹
1 petition for a refund signed by 47 bus passengers ¹²
3 earrings (2 which match each other)
1 cherry chapstick
1 deconstructed red pen in 6 pieces
1 Tide stain remover pen (purchased 2007)
1 pair headphones
1 Washington Mutual checkbook with 10 checks and an empty ledger ¹³
2 dead batteries
Off the Books: The Underground Economy of the Urban Poor by Sudhir Venkatesh ¹⁴
The Lazarus Project by Aleksandar Hemon ¹⁵
1 6x9 spiral notebook in which I am writing this list
1 mini 3x4 notebook containing: various addresses in Dearborn, MI, to-do list dated 4/14/09, notes from Rogers Park town hall meeting.

¹ Which I have used only once since I bought it, but keep carrying in hopes that I will.

² The first eyedrops I have ever taken, purchased when I broke down after 5 days of cat-and-makeup induced puffy eyes. They work.

³ Spilled on approx. 5/10/09

⁴ Highlighter stuck in there to use highlighting those briefs that come later. Dunno what the Sharpie's for.

⁵ When will they stop insisting on biopsy-ing my fucking moles? I don't have cancer, yo.

⁶ Total fines: $135. Dignity loss: infinite.

⁷ Shit, I need to pay this. They got me while my car was in the O'Hare parking lot while I was on vacation.

⁸ See.

⁹ From various functions and conferences and receptions I am required to attend.

¹⁰ Came with the basal metabolic thermometer I purchased to attempt to track my ovulation. Did you know that BBT is remarkably consistently? Nearly every single morning at 6:00 am, my temperature is exactly 97.18 degrees. It's freakishly uncanny.

¹¹ Can you see what's missing? Yup, that's what I'm supposed to have been writing for the last 3 weeks or so. I keep planning on doing research on the train or at night when I can think. It keeps not happening.

¹² The bus must have been over 90 degrees. The air conditioning wasn't working. It was a warm day. There was no ventilation, you couldn't open the windows. It was one of the more hellish experiences of my life. I am not pleased with you, MegaBus. Not pleased at all. That shit was dangerous.

¹³ Does anyone write enough personal checks to even need to keep track of them anymore?

¹⁴ Book's a few years old, but goddamn is it good. It sounds like some very heavy sociological tome, but it's just a big book full of stories about the way people make a living, get by, forge alliances, and deal with the total abdication of responsibility by the government in a poor south side Chicago neighborhood.

¹⁵ Been carrying this in my bag for a month, just started reading a couple days ago. Not only do I have a massive crush on Hemon, but holy crap this is the perfect plane read book for someone who generally hates plane-reading books. Gripping, intelligent, artfully written without being too Eggers-y. Prediction: finished by 8 pm tonight.